Ram-bling and mis-spellings are fun

i am tired.

One thing that I need to do this year.. Faith

I realize the power of forgiveness can only come w actual acknowledgement of mistakes and the past

No more energy I can’t believe it’s consecutive

I thought it would be easier

Close the case..

I am still bu Gan yuan but I wonder if I have the guts eventually

The psych notion of self?

The notion of self is influenced along the constructivist lines of culture, race, gender, religion. the ‘naturalness’ of self is is just a mask for the mechanisms of socialization, history and culture that surrounds us as beings, thus ideals of the self, work on the basis that the people create the individual. 

The idea of the self is used as a tool for power and domination, instead of an innate natural being, from which the study of the self, psychology, was birthed. however, psychology of the self might, itself, be flawed. Psychology works on the basis that the self is a unified, fixed and interiorized conception of self, as opposed to the fractured nature of how we create our ‘selves’. 

Psychology has been and is still being used as a tool for socialization and governance. it legitimizes and rationalizes ideologies, and shapes the way we view, conduct and understand our very being. an example of how this might be would be the use of the idea of eugenics in Nazi Germany, and the very methods of organizing a company in modern day organizations. 

the influence of psychology and its use, has enlightened us to the idea of freedom and free will in our daily lives, the freedom to understand and choose, the freedom to think. 

I wonder whether i will have the guts to admit to myself when enough is enough or to go with the flow.. For now.. to be more gan yuan, i choose to go with the flow. :)

I feel like I’m leaving the I house again.. Go go for 2 months for distance an perspective and hopefully we will be able to press the reset button after that w clearer minds and hearts..

Break day :) Walked ard joo chiat and then shopped an then dinner w an old friend..

Life cannot get better than the comfort of home.. And more importantly a friend who never judges :)

You said something interesting.. It’s different when u see Christianity as a lifestyle and as a religion.. I didn’t want to talk abt it so I glossed over.. Hmm

Work Review

I am truly reaching my one year mark. Had work review with Ben and this other dreadful DD.. rawr..and then i walked to the adoration room to reflect and pray. The first time i had the chance to pray in months.There is this unspoken quietness that i cannot hope for in anywhere else.

The same thoughts ran through my mind.. as if it was getting clearer each day. Time to go for mass, time to go back to where my journey first started. less than 6 months before, i never expect myself to be in this position. being comfortable about growing up. 2010 has always been the year which i hated the most. and yet in the midst of them all, i attained this:

Saw myself broken, then stood up and found a friend. let it go all awry.. and i just didnt know what to do after that. i still don. But yet a year ago, i thought i would never get over the pain and you have let me learn what i really thought i wanted was no longer what i needed as a person. About how much i let my heart drive my decisions. Then i found an amazing boss that i learnt heaps from and that was when i had to accept that work has defined me. Then, i learnt that a lot of things are not reversible and all i can do is to pray that you are all right:)

One year ago, i thought i would never recover. One year later, i found myself shifting out of using my heart to using my mind and rationale. One year ago, losing faith in people. One year later, measuring my faith in god but not in people. One year ago, losing myself for nothing. One year later, i finally realised that i have gained a friend. a friend that i cannot help but be so grateful to.

One year later, i hear the call to return back to where it all started. Yet again. Happy valentine everyone :)